Dark Skies Comes Bring Down The Rain

There were never will be a perfect season...
People said, after the thunder always comes the rainbow. But again, after the rainbow still will be rainy days. And these days, those dark skies bring down monsoon. It is cold, it is... not funny at all. Looking at the windowpane and the land has become flooded.

I can't walk. I can't talk...
All the beauty is gone.
The bright sky covered with cinereous.
I don't need the crowd, cheer, merriment.
I only need someone to talked to, spend time, to laid on.
It is hard to live with a half spirited, walk alone...
.... Wether surrounded by beautiful times having by people around.

I am afraid I could say what I suppose to say.
I am grounded by the forest, with no lights. Freezing and lost.
I need to be founded.
I am waiting to be founded. Touched by the sunlight warms. Feel embraced....
 

  

Enjoy 'Me Time' with Kiddos

Last weekend, I went to a mall to find something as present. Last Saturday and Sunday I became a fulltime nanny for my kiddo.. haha.. nah, they are my niece and nephew, my sister's children. They're just like my own kids. I took them shower, feed them with my own hand, play with them til they got tired and sleep tight, to take them shower again, feed them again, and play again. Also that Saturday I went to the mall I took them with me with the car, drive by myself.

They were sleep on the way to the mall, and I need to woke them up after we arrived. Just after they finally wake up and walk to the mall, I met my old friend with her sister and brother in law. And they were surprised like, "Hey, are you taking them by yourself?" and I answered, "Yeah, being a nanny for my sis haha," I laugh.
"So, I think you already prepared to be a mom," her sis said.
"Haha... I am waiting, sis," I murmur. *waiting to be proposed* blarrrrraaaa taraaaa taraaaaa...

Gross..
Never ending story LOL

I resist to think more about it. There is always somebody, a close friend who always could healed me and calm me down everytime I started again to become a hard thinker. He always said, "In time, dear, in time.." sadly he is living far away from me. Then I actually living this and face all of this alone. I know. It is not the right time yet to let somebody to be a part of my life now. Not yet.

Hence, I am thinking about enjoy it and throw all the negative thinking. I were just enjoy being alive, breathe the free air and all the things has given to me. tsk.. tsk..

Back to the kids, I need to introduce my beautiful kiddos. My nephew is recently reach age 4, exactly at the beginning of this month. He grow so fast. And my niece is about 2,5 years old. She's beautiful with her cute smile and when he shows all of her teeth like that, I feel like I'm living in heaven and no need another thing to be worry about. Everytime I heard they got sick or something happend unwell, I feel sad about it. Oh this 'mom instinc' why you came early like this LOL. My niece is closer to me than her brother. I love the way she hug me tight when she feels....grrr... seems that she wanna bite me, eat me. So sweet that feels like I want to bite her also :P

After the mall, I took them to have meatball and chicken noodle for dinner. Bcz it was a rainy day, meatball with hot broth would be perfect. They were eat perky. I looove to see that :)
Funny that after we had dinner, I took them home, and when their mom asked them, "Are you already had dinner?" my nephew said, "Yes we have, with meatballs and chick noodle.." and my lil girl said, "Mitbolls" :))))

I love them so much.. :-* :-* :-*

Why I Should (not) be an (un)Grateful

am 27. It's not a thing I need to be regret. Though that day when I met Mrs. Ita on the train to go home. In the first met, she told me about her daughter that already get married at age 24.
"My daughter is at your age. She's already married and have two children," she said. "And what is your age?" she asked then.
"Uhmm (a bit afraid to tell the truth. but in the end I was just being honest) twenty.. seven," I finally said.
"Oh, I thought you're 24," I was suddenly feel so happy about it.

In another day, I was having a bowl of meatball at my favourite place. I was the only customer that came about 8.30 pm after work. I order a big portion of meatball. And the owner, about 40yo maam joined me into a conversation.
"Where's the car? Usually you came by the car," she started the conversation.
"No, I'm just homeward from work, so I use the motorcycle,"
"Ooh, already graduated from college and had a job? I though you were still at Senior High School," I honestly blushing inside. Very grateful of it. I am young! I'm stiil young! I cheered up myself.

Though it is helping me to always feel young (and look young also LOL). I believe this is how God reassure me that I don't need to be jealous of anybody's life, because everybody got their own phase of life. And always got the different feeling about it.

I through all the things very hardly at the beginning, that I always feel sad when I saw my friend reached the new phase of life. Especially, you know, this age is normally people started to build a new little family or getting married, or at least strated to plan about it.

But God, however, in many ways, let me to feel that I am not that old. Hmm maybe actually I used to be born three til seven years later after my real date of birth. Maybe. [Trying hard to entertain myself :-P ]
And God, want me to enjoy my free time as an unmarried before I occupied by many things as marriage people does have. There is maaanyyyyy responsibility need to take, you know, and hard, and I think God mentioned that I am not ready for it, yet. I need to be happy as I am, God asked.

And I am happy. For sure. What else I need to complain?
I have a beautiful feeling of someone special as this more than two years be with me. Sharing laugh and ideas. About anything and many things, including the happy future life. He got a healthy living, no smoking, no drugs, no alcohol. Always think positive. Always brave and responsible about anything. Super smart. Independent. A leader to be. Look young and charming. So lovely, always makes me feel comfort and special. Always and anytime.

There. There. Stop there. Look at that great future that will come between us. I don't need to worry about anything. I shouldn't be an ungrateful. Other people need to be jealous about me, not me about them :-))))))  

We will be hangin on. Together. Living life holding hands forever.

mY mAN, mY bESTFriEnd...

I today look through some timeline updates on Facebook. I saw there's a friend upload some pictures of her and bestfriends, celebrating and declare their friendship. 

          Then I looked over myself. 
I'm sorry dear myself, I don't have any bestfriends right now. Whom I can share many stories about my life, and my problems recently. I seems don't have any (big or small probs scattered around me). I think so. That's why I thought I don't need to spend time too much to share times with them, by hang out in public places, took some pictures and other things. 

Well honestly, lately I mostly feel lazy to be in a crowded places. Feels like I was just wasting time and money for something that I didn't really enjoy to do. Sometimes I need it. But.. lately I was just need more and more time with my special person. The most important person in my life recently. 

Also. I have shared this thing to him. And surprisingly (well I was not that surprised lol) he got the same kind of thing happen. That he used to have a close friend (not many), but then recently his close friend move to a different island and lose contact. I mean our condition is pretty similar : WE BECAME an only BESTFRIEND to each other. Honestly, we never regret that we don't have many close friends to share our memories and experience. Because you know what, we felt that it's just enough to share it all to each other. 

Somehow, sometimes, without many close friends, gave us advantages. So far I became a person who always look for the positivity in everything I had. Look, if I don't have many friends, then in my wedding party I don't need to invite them all, lol, positivity man...always :P

Though I were separated far from 'my only bestfriend', I always feel enough to share everything I had here to him, as he always did to me. We never feel the distance to be a big problem afterall. We only need to believe that one day we will be close to each other again, meet often regularly, and share again laugh and smiles.

      

New York Stories

New York Stories by blueberrypancake featuring love leathers

Living The Dreams

I had a dream today...

I told you my short scene of the dream. A dream about a beautiful morning. And I shared to you my mind.

Wanna know what am I dreaming this morning? Nah, nah.. It's a secret I'll never tell (*remind me of tagline "gossip girl^^).

 

As I wrote on this blog previously, I want just to share smile laugh and happy here. And this is what I did with this post.
I send you a message and talked about I keep daydreaming about you, about us. Well it might be happen someday.
As I always expected.

To share dreams.. To living the dreams..
It is great when you have someone you need comes at the same time as someone you wanted. When you surprisingly have the same thought about many many things, even when it was not be spoken. If it often to be happen, I believe that the chemistry bring you two perfectly clicked.

I am kind of person a bit naive. I believe in God, I believe in True Love (which doesn't happend to some people), I believe in perfect chemistry, I believe that I will spend my life forever with someone 'the very special right one' that God will send to me, I believe that if I met that person I would be grow old together and still be romantic--holding hand until the old age.

It is hard to be objective when you fall in love, readers. I'm sorry I can't be objective. I am too much falling in love recently :D

But whatever your dream is, keep believe on it, chase it, don't stop. Live your dreams, and don't let it go. As if you found that special person, live your life with her/him, don't let go! 

   
 

Jelaousy You, Phourious People?

I found that some people might be got winced when I talk about LOVE. What's LOVE? And how it could happen to (lucky and blessed) people?

Basic on Wikipedia, love interpreted as below :
Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment.^[1] Love is also said to be a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection —"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another"

Love is a thing that most people couldn't describe in words. Because Love easier to feel, not to explained. As still on Wiki page about Love, it is wrote that : "This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states."
It's true then, and no wonder if people (and maybe incl. you) feel hard to explain the meaning of Love, because the word 'Love' can be applied to many things, wether it's Impersonal Love, Interpersonal Love, or determine by other views.

As I experienced, Interpersonal Love between man and woman, between me and someone from the opposite sex, is the biggest matter that helped me to describe what Love is.
Honestly, yeah.. it is also difficult for me to describe the meaning. But I will try...

Love is when you stare at you lover eyes, you can feel whole, you can smile to each other without any words to say.  

Even when you're separated by over than hundreds or thousands miles distance, you can still feel how he/she stare at your eyes and you were smile because of it.

Love is to take care each other, both feeling and all matters between you two.

Love is when you can feel the 'perfect chemistry' in all ocassion.  Every second full of passion and always attached to your lover.

Love balanced your life. It is to take and give all each other's good and weaknesses.

LOVE is Everything

Hmm.. what else..

Too much I feel inside. These two years I had felt all : Laugh, cry, upset and smile. This is how I told you Love balanced my life. Because however, love can bring you smile and tears. Eventhough we were in love, it doesn't mean that we should or will be at laugh everyday. Thing is, how Love could get you back, bring the spirit back after tears or upset. Everytime you feel upset of bad things happend, however Love will encourage you, by your mate's effort, or by Love itself. 

But everytime I showed my feeling, expressed it on media, I feel that some people, the readers, followers 'complained' that maybe I talked too much about it. THOUGH, they actually don't have a rights to restrict my feeling and how I express in all matters. Everybody have a right to be happy, isn't it? 

Just like years ago, I though that I was in Love, and I hurted by someone I trusted that I told everything about him, and I feel like wounded by the complicated situation. However, it was true that everyone has their own right to chase their happiness. I didn't doubt it. At all. That is why I never blame the persons. Just the condition that didn't take side on me. *I will definetely never forget this phase. Because I learned a lot*

And what happend now...?

I feel soooooooooooooooo much grateful of God's Love, that He gave me much happiness since I met this new guy, my recent mate. Everytime I close to him, I feel whole, happy, happy and happy in every second we had. It was like... God gave me a great, huge, biggest gift in my life, much smiles, to replace all tears I had in my past. It is true that God is Fair for everything happen in this world. After the rain, rainbow finally comes.  

But don't blame Him if you didn't get your happiness (yet). It is all depends on you. Happiness is an option. You're the one who choose to be happy or not. And I never suggest you to jealous, envy, skeptical about what other's had in their life. It will just hurt yourself, unconsciously. *please take your note, lol*    

  

Amanda Seyfried The Hollywood "It" Girl

Amanda Seyfried The Hollywood "It" Girl by blueberrypancake featuring a faux leather jacket

College SPRING Icon

College SPRING Icon by blueberrypancake featuring a coach tote

Friday I'm in Love

Last night, we had a long conversation. About many things. About us. About your sister's wedding. About some people interested to you within the ceremony and the reception.
I was there, shake hands to all persons at dais on which the bridal couple sits, kiss cheek to cheek with your momma and you who stand next to her. Wore traditional outfit, you look awesome. I was jus admired you from a far, looking for your gestures. 
My heart said, Oh Gosh thank you that I won his heart, that guy standing there, gleamed by the lights, made him look... (I was just speechles)

I can say it by the words how I feel so proud of him. How I feel proud of his personality. How I feel proud to be with him. I am so thankful for everything I have and all memories we had. Our mind has blended, and destiny made us to meet, made us to be a perfect match. Though in a real world there is no perfect thing. But I can say.., and we said... That we have been IN LOVE. Since the first day we're together, until now... And maybe for a hundred or thousand years to come (*this is how someone in love usually share their feeling lol*)

To be IN LOVE. Is such a great thing that I never feel before. I mean, this way, the way we feel to each other. I think, and we thought that not every couple could feel the same. The chemistry, the dreams, the sights to each other, and the way we feel to each other.

I think I'm in Love. Such a great friday.

FRIDAY I'm IN LOVE^^

Take Me a Walk to Eiffel Tower

Take Me a Walk to Eiffel Tower by oshin featuring platform wedge heels